Archive for the 'guilt' Category

Letting Go

pathI’ve never sat down and simply written a post.

God brings topics, burdens, even challenges to my mind at some of the most random times but I know they are from Him. Usually I’ll sit with those thoughts for quite a while, applying them to my life, seeking out scripture and listening to see what else God has to say and THEN I write.

But friends, my heart is about to burst.

I can’t even begin to count how many times this blog, all the moms I’ve met over the years and all the writings I’ve been blessed to put into the Universe have come to my mind over the last 6 months. I find myself praying for all the moms, grandmas, children, and pastors I’ve met over the years.

It’s a kind of yearning I find difficult to describe. I miss writing to you. I miss hearing from you. I miss being with you –

Two years ago I was so excited to see a three-year journey become a reality when Mom Essentials was published. I read the pages today and weep at God’s faithfulness. I could have NEVER come up with those words. I could have NEVER thought up those concepts and applications – NO WAY!

I still believe God called me to write that study and I believe His hand was in it – but here’s the honesty behind it all.

I am constantly at war with Satan as he tries to breathe doubt into my mind, sew feelings of failure into my spirit and burden me with the weight of unmet expectations.

Satan works that way doesn’t he? He knows what is precious to us. He knows what God intended for good and he works so very hard to turn those things into evil.

Here’s the thing. I am NOT interested in selling books – I’m interested in encouraging and connecting with people. I’ve been called to teach and I’ve been blessed to see that calling played out in classrooms, sanctuaries, conventions, even my own home. But somehow I had an expectations for how God would use that study and how it would be an awesome resource for MOPS and Bible Study groups of all ages…

But those were MY expectations and that’s not how ministry works.

So I’m letting go. I’m letting go of all my dreams that this Bible study would reach moms of all ages, bring churches together, and help women reconnect with God.

I’m not giving up, nor am I giving in – I truly believe God ordained that Bible Study to be written, I just don’t know exactly what God has planned for the study or for me – and that is okay.

I DO know that God moves in His own way and in His own time. So I’m letting go of the guilt, fear, and pressure Satan continues to try to place in my life.

I’m doing the best I can – I’m focusing on my essentials and my faith is growing each time I push aside the temptation to think that the essentials in my life aren’t “enough”.

This morning I read these words in Jesus Calling: “A successful day is one in which you have stayed in touch with Me, even if many things remain undone at the end of the day.” – Sarah Young

I’m continually discovering what it means to get rid of the “extras” in my life and accept that while the “essentials” will change with the stages of life I experience – my one constant, ever-present, life-giving essential is my Jesus.

I’m holding tightly to His hand – everything else I am letting go.

God you are in control. Help me obey you without doubt or fear. I trust You are bigger than my circumstances and You alone know how all of this is working for my good.

Kasey

Anyone else need to let go of something or someone? I’d love to hear from you in the comments or on our Facebook page. You bring me such joy – thank you for being so patient and so wonderful!

Mommy Brain

calenderA while back I wrote a post titled “When Their Brains Turn Off”.  The post was about children and yet, as so often happens in my life, God humbled me with my own words.

{Read the post about kids if you haven’t already – it will help this story mean more!}

You see, I thrive on organization. Without it my world begins to crumble. Now, don’t misread the previous statement – I need to feel organized, but that doesn’t mean everything in my house is always clean. If you come to my house just don’t look in the cabinets under the butler’s pantry – it’s where stacks of papers are hidden when people come over. I apologize if any of you are disappointed with me – it’s just how we roll.

Last weekend we had a WONDERFUL surprise – Matt’s parents came up from Oklahoma to see the boys play their football and soccer games. It was a fantastic weekend. Any time they come to town we eat amazing food, watch lots of movies and literally hang out at the house the entire weekend.

We aren’t normally such “home bodies” so a weekend with my in-laws is a welcomed break. It’s also a shift from our normal routine.

I headed back to work on Monday and was proud of myself for being fairly productive.

{pause for back story}

My children have been raised on schedules – literally. Even before they could read they knew certain pictures/colors/timers dictated their day. I loved that my boys couldn’t argue with a schedule and honestly, it helped ME stay sane.

Many times I would find them standing in front of the calendar, preparing themselves for what was happening next in our busy days and lives. The little boys who pointed at the picture of our swing set, anticipating going outside to play are the same boys who now have their sports gear ready and by they door BEFORE we have to leave for practice. They are sending ME text messages to remind me of their lessons and activities. It’s a beautiful thing to empower our kids to take control of their environment in healthy and realistic ways.

{back to our story}

As I loaded up my grade book and planner I glanced at my phone and saw that I had missed 3 phone calls from our oldest son.

My mind raced as I realized it was 5:00. It was 5:00 on a Monday.

I called my son back and immediately began apologizing to him. He has drum lessons at 5:00 on Mondays! How could I forget!? We’ve had drum lessons on that same day and time for over 2 months now – I was so frustrated with myself!

He graciously replied that he really didn’t want to go to lessons anyway … which was nice of him … but all I could think about was the money we were losing – but what could I do? I had dropped the ball.

My son also reminded me that he had football at 5:45. He went on to let me know that he was dressed, had his water bottle and had eaten some protein….I had to smile.

{If you think things are working out…keep reading}

As we were talking football and drums my middle son beeped in. Why was he calling me?  I tried to click over but missed him.

I immediately called the drum teacher, apologized profusely and continued on my way home.

Then my husband called. It was now 5:10.

I answered, filled him in on my lack of prompt parenting and he was oddly quiet.

I asked if everything was okay. He simply asked, “Have you talked to Tyler? Do you know if he made it home?”

This is when I felt the tears forming.

Our middle son, Tyler, is part of a robotics club that meets after school (you guessed it) on Mondays from 3:30-5:00.

Apparently when he couldn’t get ahold of me he called Matt. They agreed that Tyler would begin walking home.

I immediately called Tyler, again apologizing for not being there to pick him up.

His response? “It’s okay mom – it’s really pretty out here and I don’t mind”

{Cue tears flowing down my face}

I arrived home at 5:25 to 3 little boys who ran to me and gave me hugs – just happy to see mom at home.

I went to the calendar and even though every activity was written down in the correct color, with the correct time, all the information had left my mind for some reason.

I continued apologizing to our older boys (who were now playing on their devices and had forgotten the whole thing) when our youngest came up to me and hugged me again – telling me that he loved me (three cheers for the babies of the family!!).

I thanked him for loving me even when I make mistakes to which he replied,

“Did your brain just turn off for a little bit?”

I laughed and agreed with his accusation.

Oh that I might have the capacity to forgive, accept and support my children as much as they do the same for me.

After our conversation I took a minute to write an update on our calendar (see picture at beginning of post)- because Mommies AND kids have rough days – I just hope I’m not the only one.

When was the last time your brain “turned off”? Were you able to bounce back?

Leave a comment and help us all feel a little bit better about our “off” days.

You are doing an amazing job…take it one day at a time and keep focusing on the essentials – family first!

Kasey

 

 


Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 1,134 other followers

Follow the Tweets!

Error: Twitter did not respond. Please wait a few minutes and refresh this page.

What other moms like…

Month-by-Month

There was an error retrieving images from Instagram. An attempt will be remade in a few minutes.


%d bloggers like this: