Upside down

Right now I’m sitting on my bathroom floor as the tears roll. I have a teenager. He is fantastic 90% of the time. But when it comes to accountability, organization, and school. Well – that’s where the 10% becomes almost unbearable.

Am I the only one that truly wants to give up? Sure kid – fail out of school. Sure kid – sit around and watch Netflix and YouTube all day. No problem if you never turn an assignment in on time. No problem. I’ll just be right over here making your meals, washing your clothes, and watching you live it up.

Is he responsible with work? Yep. Helping his dad with projects? Yep. Willing to give of his time for others? Sure. But for me – when I call him on his issues – I get to be the jerk. The one he hates. The person who is always causing him problems and destroying his life.

I used to think these sort of battles would be easier to manage because I would be objective. But here’s the thing…kids who are upset do really stupid things.

Like drugs, they turn to social media or videos for comfort- some even take their own lives.

So the pressure I’m feeling to stay quiet is very real. He has so much potential. He has so many gifts. But his pride. My pride. His sense of justice. My sense of reality.

Well- it all gets very messy and my husband has to step in and clean up.

Lately I’ve had a mantra: “I’m the adult. I’m the adult. I’m the adult.”

Right now I feel like a scared kid who can’t do anything right. I’m losing my boy and I feel 100% responsible. My brain knows that isn’t true but my heart is broken and my spirit is so very tired.

If this was the first scuffle it might be different. But it’s not.

I’m not sure how much more I can take. God – be with me. Be with my amazing husband. Give me strength I don’t possess.

5 Responses to “Upside down”

  1. 1 Anonymous January 21, 2019 at 12:14 PM


    I join your friends in prayer. . . trusting. . . and hopefully encouraging.
    It happens. . . not in a perfect world and certainly not to perfect kids.
    You can smile now! Appreciate your honesty. My first reaction was,
    “Oh no” my second reaction, “so sorry” and now “It will pass”. . .
    keep on caring enough to TRY to help. Who cares who gets the
    credit or blame for our kids. We have to do what our heart tells us
    with the best guidance we can find.. . GOD! I pray for both you and
    Matt. Sally B. Great article by the way.

  2. 3 Betty A Bauer January 20, 2019 at 3:51 PM

    My heart goes out to you, Kasey. I want to fix it for you. But there is no quick fix. You’ve started a solution by opening up and writing it down. Writing was my parenting therapy…a lot of which no one ever saw and I recently deleted before they did so. Time passes. . .prayer helps. Let Go and Let God.

  3. 4 Karen Green January 20, 2019 at 1:10 AM

    I am right there with you! Hugs! Give it to God and He will make a way… I am trusting Him to lead guide and direct my path in this whole parenting gig and to help me to not sin in my anger / hurt feelings ❤️

    • 5 Kasey Johnson January 20, 2019 at 1:46 AM

      Karen – thank you for taking time to be honest and supportive. You’re so right about not sinning in the midst of hurt. Words are powerful and I need God to guard mine. Thank you for writing!

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