Things That Make You Go Hmmmm

Being a mom is tough.  Anyone who disagrees is either in denial or has never been a mother.  One of the first moms to make the “toughness” into an hour-long reality show was Kate Gosselin.

She gave birth to twins and then brought sextuplets into the world. This rare occurrence gained media coverage and much-needed support; plus everyone wanted to know how in the world she was going to make it.

So they made a TV show and suddenly everyone knew what it was like to feed, change, hold and care for 8 babies. They had nannies, they had donations, they had (dare I say it) … JOY!

I remember watching an exhausted, but appreciative Kate juggling her new life during the early episodes.  As the months passed I noticed that in an effort to make things good and provide for her family Kate became one of the most whiny, controlling and negative people I’ve ever seen. I started to feel sorry for her husband – Jon.

Now hear me out, he’s a jerk – he cheated on Kate.  There are much healthier and mature ways to deal with issues in a relationship, but there are always 2 sides to an issue and I want to look just a minute at her behavior…

It seemed to me (the viewing public) that Jon could never do anything right.  She treated him as though he was incompetent and clueless.  He took everything in stride, keeping quite in order to counteract her drama. So many times I found myself watching the show and thinking, “Dude – stand up for yourself and Kate – take a couple of minutes and just listen to him! He’s a man – he has an ego and pride and you’re slowly killing both!”

I’m not taking sides, I’m just looking at what happens when normal people find themselves in a very abnormal situation.  They had 8 children,  camera crews and the eyes of the world in their home.  I don’t know about you but if cameras recorded my every move I can be certain I’d want to request some serious editing.  I’m not perfect but I have decided to learn from my mistakes. I listen to my husband and I know that when he comes to me with an issue it’s because he loves me, not because he questions my abilities and I treat him with the same respect.

Did Jon and Kate ask for this kind of scrutiny?  Yep. But I have to wonder what would have happened if their true reality (learning how to manage a marriage and children) would have been given as much attention as the ratings and storylines of their show.

I would give anything to have just a week with Kate.  I want to sit and listen to her – I feel for her!  She is a single mom to EIGHT children – that alone is an amazing burden to bear. But her burden is a blessing and I think she wants to realize that, if only she could get out of her own way.

I’m the last one to judge another mom, but Kate has made her life public and therefore has opened herself up to being analyzed.  I don’t want to pick her apart, I want to see her put back together.

My message to Kate: You can do this – your show on TLC might be ending but your life as a mom is just beginning!  Remember who you were before the show, before the break-up, before the cameras…and please, call me – you need an honest word and a compassionate spirit…since I don’t know you I hope someone else can be that for you!

So here comes the hmmmmmm part….

Do you think they still would have created a show if Kate had waited a while but eventually gone back to her job as a nurse?  What if Jon had been given a bit more responsibility in making decisions instead of just taking orders?  What if the show featured this family praying together, going to church, Kate and Jon going on a date night?


Now, I know that these shows are edited to the point that we DON’T see everything – they could have kept their family bedtime routine private for a reason, maybe Jon and Kate DID go on dates – but I struggle to find many moments on that show where a family was truly investing in a marriage, in a future, in a purpose beyond a show.

My heart breaks for Kate – her reality, her world is being turned upside down. I’m praying for her and those kids. I’m praying for Jon – they are people too and they deserve to have the life that God wants them to have.

It sounds so simple but it’s true: it takes a village to raise a child.  I just hope Jon and Kate can find the right kind of “village” that will surround them with grace, love and support.

So I guess we aren’t that different from the Gosselin family – we all need a support system.  so to end on a GOOD note – what kind of support group surrounds you?  Would you click “leave a comment” and brag on your church group, neighbors, friends – anyone that has made a positive difference in your journey as mother?

You are wonderful!


1 Response to “Things That Make You Go Hmmmm”

  1. 1 martykc September 8, 2011 at 7:10 PM

    Building Better Moms at Church of the Resurrection in Leawood offers support to moms no matter what age or stage of their kids. From newborn to high school – it’s a place for moms to connect….to learn, grow and serve together. It has been my rock over the years and some of my closest “mom” friends have been formed in those groups! Thanks Kasey for all that you do for moms just trying to get it right :)!

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