A Quiet House

You know how they say that life is an adventure and change is good and blah, blah, blah…

Well today I was not in a really adventurous spirit, nor was I thinking change was GOOD.  In fact, I really was wanting everything back to the way it has been for the last two months – I wanted the noise, the chaos, the physical presence of my kids in the house.

James and I took Matthew (2nd grade) and Tyler (1st grade) to their first day of school.  I had my video camera in one hand and my digital camera in the other – following my precious boys down the hallway to their room.  As we walked I had to focus on pushing the tears away.

I kept telling myself that this is a happy day, a good day! They are excited, they are ready – it’s all good! But the words sounded hollow when it came to how my heart really felt.  My brain knows that this is right and good, but my tiny pieces of my heart keep breaking off with each milestone my boys experience.

I don’t know if this gets easier with time, but for now – in this moment – I’m savoring each memory I get to share with them.  Sometimes I think God puts these opportunities in front of us so that we remember what it feels like to let go and how precious are kids areally are. It’s like my father-in-law, Junior, says when someone has overstayed their welcome: “We can’t miss ya if you don’t leave”.

I’m not saying kids have to go away to be appreciated, but sometimes I need this reminder of what my life would be like without them.  That day is coming sooner than I realize.  James and I both agreed that the house was too quiet today, so we spent the day OUT of the house doing lots off extra things and having a wonderful time together.

When his brothers came home from school James couldn’t get close enough to them.  James wanted to play and all they wanted to do was sit down, be quiet and unwind from a long day of school.  I explained why James was being “annoying” and soon the boys were smiling and playing with him – I think they liked the fact that someone missed them and that they were valued.

Tomorrow will be easier, but I hope I stay sensitive to the fact that whether my kids are home everyday, or away at college – they need to know how much I value and appreciate them.  So if you are taking your kids to school tomorrow, just know that I’m praying for you too – praying that God brings new insight, peace and joy to your heart as you learn what it means to be a mom before, after and during our kids’ school days. 

So whether your house is quiet or chaotic I hope you can continue to appreciate each moment you have with your kids and enjoy the new adventures that life brings to all of us!  I’m so proud of all my friends.  We’ve endured a week of challenges and changes.  We’ve said good-bye and we’ve waited anxiously for our kids to come home.  It’s been a great time to let go and lean on the fact that our children will always own pieces of our heart and that’s okay.

Scripture says that “God is greater than our hearts” and that “He knows everything”(1 John 3:20).  Isn’t that great!  He knows EVERYTHING!

The Creator of the Universe knows my heart and knows everything.  He knows what it’s like to let His Son go.  God watched His Son leave home (literally) and come to earth to save each of us.  He wants us to feel His love, share it with our children and in turn be healed by it.

Let God come in, put the pieces of your heart back together and no matter what is happening right now, what happened yesterday, or what will happen tomorrow – God knows your heart AND He knows everything.  We can lean on Him and trust His strength to be enough.

So let the school year begin – I’m ready!

2 Responses to “A Quiet House”

  1. 1 skillet04 September 29, 2010 at 1:23 PM

    You could always Home Educate 🙂

    • 2 Kasey Johnson October 4, 2010 at 8:42 PM

      You know, I actually REALLY enjoyed home-schooling our first boy, Matthew. It was awesome to see him learn and grow – but then I came to the realization that I was the one not cut out for it – I was the one falling short, not him. Now that Matthew and Tyler and loving school and thriving in their social environment I know this was the right choice for us – and I guess I’d rather miss them than be glad that they are gone :o) Thanks for the comment – have a great day!

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